Man with Too Many Countries

One of the best things about the work I do is the diversity of assignments I get to pursue.  In any given week I might be scheduling speaking events for the local treasury symposium, closing a hush-hush financing transaction, or figuring out a way to bring a few million dollars back to the US from Russia without paying huge fees or suffering an FX loss.  This week, my task was to look for the best payment methods to offer to online consumers in over 200 different countries.  As part of this job, I would also need to ensure my client could minimize its FX gains or losses which arose when they converted the local payments received into US dollars.  To get started on this project, I decided to group all the countries we sold to into the geographic territories that coincided with my client’s regional businesses, and then to further group them by currency, since in many cases a common currency such as Euro, US Dollar, or Australian Dollar was used.  What I learned was this:  There are a lot of bizarre countries out there!  Like Togo.  Where the heck is that located? Oh, right next to the Bight of Benin, Burkina Fasa and Ghana.  Well at least I’ve heard of Ghana.  Not to be confused with Guyana, French Guiana or New Guinea (which is not the same as Guinea-Bissau, or Republic of Guinea).  And then there are the Bailiwicks – the Bailiwick of Guernsey and the Bailiwick of Jersey.  Really???  Even Google had a hard time locating Vanuatu, Tokelau, and Tuvalu.  Do you think the people of these places actually have money to spend buying things online ?  I suppose if you haven't engaged in genocide, you aren't a religious fanatic, or you don't produce oil, then your country may remain in relative obscurity forever. 

One of my favorite finds was Lesotho, whose current ruler is King MoShoeShoe II.  “Give me my shoe shoe and while you’re at it, throw in some sock-socks!”  Down the list of countries appear Nauru, Niue and Aotearoa.  Aotearoa is the native language name for New Zealand, explaining why it appears with the “N” countries on my list.  Then there are all the –stans:  Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, and Pakistan.  This last country, along with Turkey, has me wondering - Where do you draw the line between Eastern Europe and Middle East?  I have to classify these into regions somehow…

Another odd thing about the countries are the two-digit ISO codes which are used to abbreviate the country names.  AQ is Antarctica.  Hmm. Q.  AX is the Aland Islands.  BJ is the Bight of Benin.  Think about that.  BJ and Bight together don’t exactly bring up happy thoughts.  Nor does the abbreviation for Bermuda.  BM.  Reminds me of a cross country driving trip I once took with Carena.  All the towns put their initials on the hillsides.  We passed W, then C.  Then we came to Battle Mountain.  Could there actually be a nefarious plan behind it, like some kind of strange suggestive-sell for the gas station bathrooms?  I could see the marketing geniuses at work:  “We’ll subliminally entice them into the station by putting a gigantic BM on the side of the hill, but to get to the restrooms, they will have to weave past the aisles of ho-hos, twinkies, and hot pink sno-balls!  Who will be able to resist that much temptation?”

But I digress.  Time passes and I need to figure out how to collect payments from Sao Tome and Palau in currencies other than conch and coconut shells, without violating the drug-trafficking regulations.  Details, details!