Junk Mail

I was having withdrawal from writing my blogs while in Italy and Croatia, but I just couldn't seem to come up with something inspiring to write about.  I thought of calling my friend and owner of Marble Mountain Dude Ranch, Doug Cole, to learn what he's been up to, and whether he had run over any more dogs, set anymore fires, rolled any backhoes, been thrown from any horses, taken any medivac helicopter rides lately, or chopped off any more of his wife's body parts with his chainsaw, but then I became frightened about what I might discover.  Let sleeping dogs lie.  Except if they are lying underneath Doug's pickup, in which case, you should quickly shoo them away and then run for cover to protect yourself as well. 

Coming home, I picked up the mail which as usual was all junk.  Carena and Marie have each received a credit card offer from Chase - in fact, Carena has received two - a regular card and a mileage points card.  Not to be outdone, Marie has received a Citibank credit card offer, but to even things out, Carena has also received a Southwest credit card offer, a Student Loan offer (a little late) and a Capital One card offer (don't they know she is an employee and gets an interest-free card already???)   Then there are the catalogs.  Ballards, Front Gate, Title Nine, Home Decorators, and Lillian Vernon, all addressed to my Dad's ex-wife.  He forwarded his mail to my house temporarily several years ago, and for some horrible reason, when he removed the forwarding, the catalogs continued to come.  Thousands of them.  Catalogs and credit card offers were a toxic mix for Lynn.

Bob has received 6 pieces of junk - 5 free nights at the Marriot of his choice, along with ELITE priveleges and RICH rewards.  So hard to pass by.  A USAA credit card offer (they must know we are still putting one child through college), an announcement for an upcoming sale at REI (hmmm, maybe sea kayaks will be on sale?  Perhaps I can talk Marie into buying us a couple with her new credit card???), a real estate listing for an ugly little house that is described as "charming fixer for young couple -- walk to shops, school, easy commute."  I like how they highlight how easy it is to get away from this dump.  He also received a special invitation from our insurance agent for a get together at a local park - two months from now.  I guess the agent is emphasizing his advance planning skills, just as he suggests we do with our life insurance.  And finally, a Buy One Get One coupon for a giant steak with fries, ribs, and chicken, all coated in Jack Daniels sauce.  Sorry guys, you're barking up the wrong tree.  Now if you had some chicken-shaped vega-curd on the menu, maybe Bob would jump at this special offer. 

Even the dogs have some mail - It's time for their checkups.  How nice.  More reasons to sign up for the credit cards. 

Nothing for me, but there is something addressed to my employees - a flyer for a seminar - "Dealing with Difficult People."  Hmm.  I wonder who ordered THAT???  I will just have to see how many of the employees sign up, and then I will teach them a thing or two...

There's also a bunch of trash mail thrown on the porch by the people that are too cheap to pay for bulk mail delivery -- a yard cleaning service (must have seen our jungle of a front lawn during our vacation), an announcement for the grand opening of another restaurant, 5th one this year in the same bad location, and OH! What is this?? What is this???   "Lost Kitty.  Have you seen this Kitty?"  Welllll, mayyybeeee.  It sort of looks like the Kitty that was under my car wheel yesterday.  "His name is Flint."  The flyer should read "His name WAS Flint."  Poor Flint.  "He has a distinctive black stripe in the middle of his nose".  Yep.  That's right where my tire crossed his face. "Our family is very worried."  And with good reason.  You should keep a better eye on your pets!  "If you have been sheltering him, or if you do see him in the coming days, PLEASE contact me right away." Well, she didn't say "If you have unfortunately run over and killed my cat, and dumped him in your yard waste bin, PLEASE contact me right away," so I guess I am not really under any obligation to call. 

Enough.  I am off to the gym to restart my quest to achieve the 1000 calorie challenge (burn 1000 calories in one hour).  Since vacation, despite all the hiking we did, I can only manage to accomplish the 450 calorie half hour challenge.  Stay tuned!  Gym people watching is always good for a few blogs!  (Especially if they are like Italian people along the lines of my previous "Girls Only" blog!)